“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface but paddling like the dickens underneath.”

~Michael Caine

Friday, September 10, 2010

Spam Wars

From: Brittany Schaeffer
To: Mr. Utondu
Date: Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Dear Mr. Utondu,
I have received your letter and was a little bothered by the excessive grammatical errors. One would think that if anyone had dealings with large amounts of money, such as the one you speak about in your letter, he would make sure that the letter is written using proper grammar and spelling. I have taken the liberty of making some suggestions on the email you sent me so that, going forward, you will have a more professional appearance to those you send this letter to. After all, a good scam artist must present himself well to the ones he is attempting to swindle.
In response to your letter, I must tell you that it caused considerable concern. I appreciate you telling me to calm down, but as I have seen letters like this before I was not surprised to receive it. I have been offered propositions similar to this one and because I already consider myself extremely wealthy, I have no need to participate in transactions such as these. Secondly, it seems as though you are asking me to lie about being the 'care-taker business associate' to Mr. Jin Sun. This is not something that I am comfortable doing. Lying, cheating, stealing and scamming are not activities that I participate in. I have learned that taking part in these sorts of dealings only manifests problems.
I would like to thank you kindly for considering me for this "transaction". I'm so honored that you took the time to select me out of the thousands of random email addresses I'm sure you have access to.
I hope that you have a wonderful day.
Duchess of Reality

From: Mr. Ashley Utondu
To: Brittany Schaeffer
Date: Sun, Sep 5, 2010 at 4:51 pm

The Desk of Mr Ashely Utondu
Audit/Remittance Department of
African Development Bank (ADB)
Auagadougou Burkina Faso

Dear Friend,


I know that this email will be a big surprise to you, but i (The letter 'I' is always capitalized when speaking about yourself.) want you to calm down and read very carefully.

I have a business which will be beneficial to both of us..(It is not necessary to use two periods at the end of any sentence, one usually does the trick. Unless you are using ellipses which is a whole other topic entirely.) the amount of money involved is ($5,700:000:00 (This should not have colons between the numbers.) five million seven hundred thousand US dollars) which i (Again you should always capitalize the letter 'I' when speaking about yourself.) want to transfer out of the country to your bank account, all to my financial benefit and yours too. (It would read better if you said ", for our financial benefit.") and also to take my wife abroad for treatment of liver damage. (I am curious to know how said liver damage occurred. Cirrhosis perhaps?)

This money is owned by a man called JIN SUN, a business commercialist in west-african regions. he (At the beginning of every sentence, you should always capitalize the first word.) has been dead since four years ago (2005) and since then, no claim has been placed on his bank account balance.

I want to transfer this money out of the country but such fund (Being that you are trying to transfer more than $1.00 {one US dollar} the word fund should be plural and therefore have an 's' at the end.) cannot be transferred without a next of kin attached to the fund. the (Seriously, you need to capitalize the first word of every sentence.) fund (The word 'fund' needs to be plural.)could be transferred in these (I think you mean 'this' way.) way; you shall present yourself as a business associate to the deceased person[JIN SUN) as details shall be that you are the care- taker business associate to mr. jin sun and his properties. (There are too many things wrong with the rest of this paragraph for me to list them all.)

I shall make available to you materials and information with which a successful claim shall be placed on the fund. i (Please capitalize the first word of every sentence.) shall also be your guidiance and instructor throughout the duration of this transaction so as to ensure a swift and sure transfer of the fund to your bank account.

As to your benefits, you shall be entitled to 40% of this fund for your co-operation in this transaction while 5% will be set aside for expences incured during the course of this transaction.

So if you are interested, send a reply to me immediately and in your reply please include your [private phone and your fax numbers] urgency has to be implied and this business must strictly be a deal between both of us.

Waiting for your urgent response so that i (The letter 'I' needs to be capitalized when speaking about yourself.) can move ahead and give you the indept (Do you mean 'in depth'?) details concerning this transaction and also the steps to take for a smooth transfer of the fund into your bank account.

Best Regards,


granmaman-nansan said...

You have done an excellent job of correcting the grammer, et cetera, in this pathetic plea for deception. This same scam was going around via the post office system for almost twenty years.

My one question to this ediot is: Do you actially think any person with the slightest bit of common sense would fall for your attempt to get my bank account number?

I don't think so! I enjoyed your corrections so much; it was great to laugh out loud after a long week.

If there is an editing medal up for grabs you have earned it today.


granmaman-nansan said...

Please correct my spelling error. It is not ediot but idiot. LOL

My brain has not been communicating with my fingers for quite a while. I usually manage to catch my errors, but don't always do a good job.

I can't top the pictures of my sister's office, but maybe a smile will brighten the momeny

granmaman-nansan said...


beebee said...

Mais chere,
Dats a shame dat dese foks don no how to rite good lik us.