“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface but paddling like the dickens underneath.”

~Michael Caine

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

BEWARE: Ms. Smarty Pants

Ms. Smarty Pants is the type of person who feels that everyone must know how wonderful she is. Like their purpose on this earth is to make sure that everyone looks at them in awe. In other words, a narcissist.  Ms. Smarty Pants wants more than anything for people to say things like, “Wow, Ms. Smarty Pants really knows what she’s talking about.” or “Look at what an amazing job Ms. Smarty Pants is doing.”.

Ms. Smarty Pants thinks that the only ideas that are good ideas are ones that she has come up with. If anyone else presents ideas to make things easier and more efficient, Ms. Smarty Pants shoots them down. She will explain to you in great detail, all of the things you should be doing in lieu of this idea that you’ve come up with. Her tone will be condescending and chiding. She will list out all of the things that you “should or could do”. Here presents a problem, because this list of things that she presents contains things that you are already doing or have already tried. Ms. Smarty Pants is not your superior. You are not her subordinate though she speaks to you as if you are. Ms. Smarty Pants may try to laugh off her 'superiority complex' by making light of the situation with a joke.  This is to try and make it seem as though she is the bigger person.  In reality, this only makes it more obvious to the other parties involved that she...is a nincompoop.

Ms. Smarty Pants will take advantage of every opportunity to make you look foolish. This peacock-ish performance is conducted in an effort to make herself look more advantageous. She is the hunter and you are the prey.
Below is a list of ways to fend off Ms. Smarty Pants and her arch.
1. Respond to her 'suggestions' with gibberish.
Ms. Smarty Pants: "You should be doing this."
You: "Flurple schmack woot."
2. After she lists out all of the things that you 'should be doing', that you are already doing, list them all back to her in reverse order. Also known as 'Yoda Speak'.
Ms. Smarty Pants: "Well, what you should be doing is calling, talking, emailing and coaching."
You: "Coaching, emailing, talking, and calling, I am."
3. When she tries to laugh off her behavior, respond by laughing with a grossly overstated chuckle.  Agree with her but be sure your agreement is dripping with sarcasm.
Ms. Smarty Pants: "Ha ha ha. Aren't I cute and funny with what I'm saying to try and salvage the impression people have of me?"
You:  "Ha ha ha haaaahhha  ahhhahha haahhha haah ahhhahh! You are so funny Ms. Smarty Pants."
Of course, the best thing to do is avoid Ms. Smarty pants entirely.  Unavoidable situations do occur so hopefully these suggestions of defense will help you if you ever find yourself in the company of Ms. Smarty Pants.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow! I cetainly hope this has made you feel better. I don't know who set you off, but I love your commentary. I love it when you post one of your great, as I call them, "What has happened to these people and why are they in my life?", individuals or idiots. Whatever the case may be on any given day.

Britt, you really "Quack me up!" You are still my ray of sunshine and I adore you and miss all of you.

Any day now, I expect to hear that your chronicles have been published. I am presently reading a book entitled "Life is too short to fold underwear." It is a compilation of short little chapters of the authors life. And yes I totally agree with the title of the book.

I have two new quotes to live by. One is "It's never too late to be happily ever after." My bracelet with that on it came in today. The second bracelet is on back order. That one is, "If you stumble make it part of the dance." Since I'm now using a cane to avoid falling all the time and I had that one little engraved on a plaque attached to it. At least I can still dance.

Talk to you soon I hope. And before I sign off, if I have a lot of mispelled words or some that are totally weird, I'm still having issues with my hand coordination. It's getting better, but .......