“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface but paddling like the dickens underneath.”

~Michael Caine

Thursday, October 30, 2008

November 4th, 2008

I dislike politics. Why is it so darn hard to find real unbiased answers? You know, Facts. When we got home from Louisiana, we had 12 messages on our answering machine soliciting candidates. Oh, wait, they aren't "soliciting" because they aren't actually selling anything. That's why they are allowed to call you even your phone number is on the 'do-not-call' list. Apparently the 'do-not-call' list means that people are not allowed to call unless they have already had some sort of transaction with you or if they aren't selling anything. Technically, they are selling something. A candidate. Any they want my vote as payment. Stop calling me. Your call is not going to sway me or make me change my mind. I assume they obtained my phone number from my voter registration.

Sunday, a man called our house and asked me if I was voting for Marty Block for California State Assembly. I said 'Sorry, you have the wrong number, there is no Marty Block here.'. He said 'No, No, No ma'am, Marty Block is running for California State Assembly and I was calling to see if we can count on your vote.'. Ty was sitting next to me on the couch so I turned and asked him if he knew Marty Block. He said 'Isn't he that criminal?' The guy on the other end of the phone said 'He's a criminal???' He started to explain again who Marty Block was. I gotta give it to this guy for being patient. So I say 'Ohhhh, he's that news caster guy, right?' The poor guy on the other end says 'I didn't know he was a news caster.'. He still hadn't caught on. Finally he asked 'Ma'am, are you Democrat or Republican?'. So I confidently answer 'Oh no, no, no you've got it all wrong. I'm Heterosexual.' He finally catches on and says 'Ok, ma'am. Have a nice night.'

Now, I don't know if he felt bad because he thought I was really dumb or if he figured out that I was playing with him. Either way I don't really care.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Ok, so I have a few things to say about Halloween.
First, I have noticed that Halloween has become the one day every year that women are given permission to dress like skanky you-know-whats. Sexy, firefighter, nurse, bumblebee, witch, cheerleader, angel, devil, Cinderella, Snow White, pirate, ladybug, leprechaun, and the list goes on...
Second, these costumes are being made for and marketed to the younger crowd. Like 11 and 12 year old girls. What happened to good ole' fashioned creativity? From this day forward I vow to have my kids participate in the making of their costumes.

Lastly, I will tell you the story of our costume situation for this year. Every year I want to dress in costume and have Ty participate also. It doesn't always work out because of our busy lives and we just end up taking the kids trick-or-treating in plainclothes. But being that I would be turning 30 this year I really wanted to dress up and do something fun. After searching through the endless amounts of SEXY costumes that I don't have the body to wear anymore, I ran across some cute ideas. I decided to be a flower in a pot. I made a head piece with pink tulle, cut out the bottom of a huge plastic terracotta pot and added felt suspender straps. Bought a long-sleeved green shirt and green shorts and will wear brown tights and shoes. It turned out really cute. Emma will be a butterfly this year so we will compliment each other nicely. I decided to make a gnome cap for Tommy and dress him up in a plaid shirt and overalls. And then there's Ty. Yes, my poor creativity-lacking husband. He said that he would shop around to find things to dress up as a gardener. I thought that a gardener would tie our 'family costume' together very well. So I thought he would be getting a plaid shirt and overalls at the thrift store, wear his straw hat and his Crocs and he would be a gardener. Boy was I wrong.

I came home last night and he said, 'Let me show you what I got today.'. He said, 'I couldn't find overalls and didn't really want to wear jeans so I thought I'd be a florist instead of a gardener.' 'OK', I said, 'Let me see.' Out of this black plastic shopping bag (I recognized it from the thrift store down the hill) he pulls out an orange polo shirt that has some environmental logo on the front, a green pair of 2XL women's capri pajama pants, a pink tye-dye bandanna, a polka-dot purse, a pink and purple feather boa and a pair of periwinkle blue, lace 2xl crotchless panties. A FLORIST?!? I don't know any florist that dresses this way even the ones in Hillcrest. So he proceeds to put on the apparel that he bought. I won't describe to you what he looked like. He mentioned that the lady at the check-out counter was giving him strange looks. Well, for heavens sakes, I can't imagine why. I know I would be eyeing a man with 2 kids at a thrift store buying periwinkle blue, lace crotchless panties. I gave him an 'A' for effort. Poor thing. I felt bad. He was so cute showing me his purchases. I honestly believe that he wouldn't be comfortable in it anyway.

We ended up at Wal-Mart, oops, I mean Walton's buying sweatpants, a thermal shirt and red felt. He will be a garden gnome, like Tommy. Maybe I'll let him wear the crotchless panties over his sweatpants. It might add a little flair to his costume.