Let's talk about sex...

So it happened.  Emma asked where babies come from.  This is how it went:

Emma: "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

Me: "Well, the daddy gives the mommy a special seed.  The seed grows in her belly and makes a baby."

Emma: "Like a nut?"

Me: {stammering} "Well...ummm...no. It's like...ummm."

Emma: "And how does it get in there? Do you swallow it?"

Ty chimes in with, "Go ahead Mommy, explain how it works." I knew at this point that the questions wouldn't stop.

Me: "Okay Emma. I'm gonna tell you exactly how this works.  But there are some rules.  One, you don't talk about this to anyone except Daddy or me.  Two, this is very private and only for grown-ups. Three, if you have any questions about this you don't ask anyone but Daddy or me. Okay?"

Emma: "Okay."

Me: {inhales deeply} "Okay.  So you know how a boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina?"

Emma: "Yes."

Me: "Okay, well...The man has a seed and it's called sperm.  It lives in his testicles."

Emma: "You mean his nuts?"

Me: {stifling laughter} "Yes, his nuts, but they are called testicles.  He uses his penis to put the semen into the woman's vagina.  This is called sex. Connected to the vagina on the inside is the uterus. Inside the uterus, the woman has an egg."

Emma: "WOW! Like a chicken egg?"

Me: {still giggling} "Well...no, not like a chicken egg.  It's a tiny little egg.  You can only see it with a microscope."

Emma: "Oh, like my pinky fingernail?"

Me: "No, even smaller than that. You can't see it without a microscope."

Emma: "Oh ok."

Me: "Ok so, the sperm goes into the uterus and meets up with the egg.  There is a chemical reaction and the sperm and the egg together make a baby.  The baby grows in the mommy's uterus for 9 months and then the baby is born."

Emma: "Do they always cut the baby out of your tummy?"

Me: "No, mommy couldn't have you the natural way.  Normally the woman pushes the baby out through her vagina."

Emma: {audible gasp}"Does it hurt?"

Me: "Well, I've heard it does hurt but they can give the woman medicine so it doesn't hurt."

Emma: "Oh."

Me: "Do you have any questions?"

Emma: "No. Hey Daddy! Can we go to McDonald's tomorrow?"

The next day I wanted to be sure that she had properly absorbed the information.  I pulled her aside after dinner and asked her if she remembered what we had talked about the day before.

Emma: "Yeah. I didn't talk to anyone about it."

Me: "Good. Do you have any questions?"

Emma: "Mommy? If you're a grown-up and you're married, {whispers} can you do it on the couch when nobody's home?"

Me: {trying desperately not to laugh} "Well when you're a grown-up and YOU'RE MARRIED and no one is home, you can do it where ever you want."

Emma: {giggles} "Cool."

And that is how I had the sex talk with my 7 year old.  It was actually a lot less painful than I thought it would be. 

The Ten Tenors and Their Youngest Fan

One Sunday morning, Emma was watching PBS. I was doing some things around the house and hadn't really been paying attention to what she was watching. After all, PBS is safe enough, or so I thought. All of a sudden, she starts yelling "MOMMY MOMMY! They're coming, they're coming!". Panicked I ran to the room to see what was wrong. "Who's coming, Emma?" I ask. "The Ten Tenors! They're coming! Can you get tickets?!?" she yells jumping up and down. "The who?" I ask. "THE TEN TENORS! Look!" and she frantically points to the TV. PBS was broadcasting one of the concerts and she was absolutely mesmerized. I guess during one of the commercial breaks, there was an advertisement for the show in San Diego in December. So I told her I would look into it. I figured that it was quite a special thing for a 5 year old to be interested in something like this so I bought tickets for the evening show on December 12th and called it my birthday present. Even though we didn't have the cash, there are just some things you MUST put on a credit card. Since telling her that I bought the tickets, she asks me almost every night how much longer before we can go to see The Ten Tenors. How cute is that?

I'm Leaving!

Last night, I was in the kitchen cleaning up the mess that seems to multiply anytime I use the kitchen. I was wiping down my stand mixer when Tommy walks into the kitchen sporting only a diaper and my car keys and says, "Bye Mommy! I'm leaving!" I said, "Where are you going?" stifling my laughter. He said "Work." Of course, I didn't want him to leave (not that he could drive off on a whim anyway) so I was able to distract him with a cinnamon roll. I love the way they try an imitate us. It surely is the greatest form of admiration.

Holy Moly Guacamole!

Is there anything cuter than a two year old trying to master the english language? I don't think so. While visiting grandpa's house on Sunday, Tommy was eating chips and guacamole. We told him to say guacamole. It was so cute we made Ty get out his camera and record him saying guacamole. I could just squeeze him, but if I did he's yell at me. As most of you know, he's really good at that.

He is also becoming quite the little persuader. The men were working on the lighting on our patio. There were various tools and such strewn about and of course a ladder. Well I haven't met a kid yet that doesn't want to climb a ladder. It's definately a temptation that can't be resisted. Tommy walks up to the ladder and in his two year old lingo says to me "Mommy, I up here, yes or no, yeeesss?" Little bugger. Trying to persuade me to let him climb the ladder. As I've said before, the cuteness is a survival mechanism.

When seconds count...

...We're minutes away. Huh? Seriously. On my way home from work I saw a minivan with a bumper sticker that said 'SDPD When seconds count, we're minutes away.' Is that the same thing as 'When people are starving, we think about giving them food.'? OK, if there were an emergency where seconds counted, I personally would want them to be seconds away. And if it were minutes, how many? 2, 15, 20, 30?! It doesn't seem like the smartest thing to advertise how long it takes the police department to respond to an emergency. I'm not knocking the San Diego Police Department, please don't misunderstand me...but they should find a better marketing strategy. Hopefully their next bumper sticker won't say 'SDPD Whenever theres trouble, we'll be there eventually.'

So I get home and I walk into a screaming boy and a half naked girl. These are not unusual things to find as I'm walking in the door from a long day at work. It's almost as if they plan to be absolutely BONKERS the minute I walk through the door. I can hear them plotting, 'OK, when Mommy gets home, you start squealing like a newborn piglet and I'll take off all my clothes and streak through the house!'. (Why can't I get away with running through the house naked screaming like a banshee?) Tonight is Emma's Open House at school and naturally she's naked instead of dressed and ready to go. Emma, who is only wearing her underwear, says 'Hey, Mom! I'm naked because I was hot.' Of course then the normal hustle and bustle of the end of my work day and the beginning of my work night ensues. Ty heats up dinner while I mess around on the computer. At the dinner table, Emma says 'Mommy, if me and my friends talk at the same time, we can't hear each other.' I respond 'Wow Emma did you learn that at school?', 'Yep!' she answers. I'm glad to know that she is learning something that makes sense to her. Then she says, in her biggest big girl voice, 'So, how was your day at work Mommy?' I don't think she could be any cuter.

Emma shows me around her classroom
and that she can write her numbers.
There was a paper posted on the wall
in her class with her name on it. There
was a long group of letters on the page
and the following written by her teacher
for interpretation: "My mom is the best
mom in the whole wide world."
I think that their cuteness is a survival mechanism.



PS: I would've taken a picture of the bumper sticker, but I was driving.