Let's talk about sex...

So it happened.  Emma asked where babies come from.  This is how it went:

Emma: "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

Me: "Well, the daddy gives the mommy a special seed.  The seed grows in her belly and makes a baby."

Emma: "Like a nut?"

Me: {stammering} "Well...ummm...no. It's like...ummm."

Emma: "And how does it get in there? Do you swallow it?"

Ty chimes in with, "Go ahead Mommy, explain how it works." I knew at this point that the questions wouldn't stop.

Me: "Okay Emma. I'm gonna tell you exactly how this works.  But there are some rules.  One, you don't talk about this to anyone except Daddy or me.  Two, this is very private and only for grown-ups. Three, if you have any questions about this you don't ask anyone but Daddy or me. Okay?"

Emma: "Okay."

Me: {inhales deeply} "Okay.  So you know how a boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina?"

Emma: "Yes."

Me: "Okay, well...The man has a seed and it's called sperm.  It lives in his testicles."

Emma: "You mean his nuts?"

Me: {stifling laughter} "Yes, his nuts, but they are called testicles.  He uses his penis to put the semen into the woman's vagina.  This is called sex. Connected to the vagina on the inside is the uterus. Inside the uterus, the woman has an egg."

Emma: "WOW! Like a chicken egg?"

Me: {still giggling} "Well...no, not like a chicken egg.  It's a tiny little egg.  You can only see it with a microscope."

Emma: "Oh, like my pinky fingernail?"

Me: "No, even smaller than that. You can't see it without a microscope."

Emma: "Oh ok."

Me: "Ok so, the sperm goes into the uterus and meets up with the egg.  There is a chemical reaction and the sperm and the egg together make a baby.  The baby grows in the mommy's uterus for 9 months and then the baby is born."

Emma: "Do they always cut the baby out of your tummy?"

Me: "No, mommy couldn't have you the natural way.  Normally the woman pushes the baby out through her vagina."

Emma: {audible gasp}"Does it hurt?"

Me: "Well, I've heard it does hurt but they can give the woman medicine so it doesn't hurt."

Emma: "Oh."

Me: "Do you have any questions?"

Emma: "No. Hey Daddy! Can we go to McDonald's tomorrow?"

The next day I wanted to be sure that she had properly absorbed the information.  I pulled her aside after dinner and asked her if she remembered what we had talked about the day before.

Emma: "Yeah. I didn't talk to anyone about it."

Me: "Good. Do you have any questions?"

Emma: "Mommy? If you're a grown-up and you're married, {whispers} can you do it on the couch when nobody's home?"

Me: {trying desperately not to laugh} "Well when you're a grown-up and YOU'RE MARRIED and no one is home, you can do it where ever you want."

Emma: {giggles} "Cool."

And that is how I had the sex talk with my 7 year old.  It was actually a lot less painful than I thought it would be.